SpiritWalk

I was recently promoted to management….yikes.  I have never had any desire to be a manager.  I really don’t have a lot of drive or ambition.  I am all about quality of life.   So, how in the world did I ever get promoted?  Well, I am a Virgo and I like everything to be neat and orderly, which applies to my job as well as home.  When I am at work I try to make things go as smooth as possible.  I work really hard on my relationships with my management and my peers.  If I am going to a job I am going to do it right.  I rarely complain. Whatever work is given to me, I find a way to get it done.  No matter what obstacles are thrown my way.  Hence, my manager promoted me.  I considered saying ‘no’.  My husband encouraged me to say ‘no’.  He has been down the management path and wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.  But, I said ‘Yes’.  I thought, ‘this will be good for me’.  ‘I need to step outside my comfort zone and try something new.’  ‘When an opportunity like this is presented to someone, it is a gift and I should just go with it.’ Now I have 10 people reporting to me and all the responsibility associated with it. Now I am saying ‘I am in over my head’.  ‘I have no idea what I am doing.’  ‘Can I request a demotion?’   I just read an article by the author Michael Cunningham entitled ‘A writer should always feel like he’s in over his head’.  I am thinking maybe that should apply to everyone.  If you never get in over your head how will you grow? Everyday I remind myself of these things: I will get my arms around this new job.  I can only do what I can do.  I can only know what I know. Don’t obsess about the things I have no control over. Most importantly for me, don’t take things personally.  This new job is all part of my journey and I need to take deep breaths and just go with the flow.

The other night I was tucking my daughter into bed and told her ‘Have a great day tomorrow’.  I wouldn’t see her until the next night.  I only have to go in the office two days a week, but those days I am gone from 6:00 am until 6:00 pm.  My daughter said back to me, ‘You have a great day too Mommy, but I know you won’t’.  ‘What do you mean by that?’ I asked. She said ‘You never have a good day at work’.  I realized she was right.  I never really do have a ‘good’ day.  My days are ‘okay’.  There are some good parts to my job. There are times when I have a real sense of accomplishment. I like most of the people I work with and enjoy the team dynamic. I work for a very large corporation and lead a team of 11 people who are spread out across the country.  I spend most of my day on the phone, responding to emails and putting out fires. To get real work accomplished I have to play the political game, cut through yards of red tape and constantly massage egos on a daily basis.   By the end of day I am drained, so when I get home and my family asks me how my day was, I always say ‘it was okay’, or ‘it was fine’ in a tired voice.  Never do I say ‘I had a great day’. I started thinking, what kind of message does this give my kids? When they think of work, they think ‘yuck’.   Is this what I want for my kids?  For them to grow up and go to a job that is just ‘okay’?   Is this what I want for my self?  The answer to both, of course, is no.   Right now, I cannot leave my job.  I need it to pay the bills and to provide for my family.  I have a pretty good job, especially in this economy.  I am thankful for this job.  If I inherited a million dollars tomorrow, would I quit?  Absolutely!  Since, I probably won’t have a million dollars drop into my lap anytime soon, I still need to work.  So, what are my other choices?  I can look for another job, which would most likely be very similar to what I do now. I can start a new career at a very reduce salary. Or I can stay at my job and just decide ‘I am going to have a Great Day!’  Nothing is perfect, things go wrong, people get upset.  But does that need to drag me down? No, I can choose to view things in what ever light I choose.  I have learned that sometimes what I perceive as a ‘bad thing’, turn out to be a ‘good thing’.   Everyday I just need to keep reminding myself that ‘events’ happen, they are not necessarily bad or good.  I just need to stay open, stay calm and stay happy.  It is my choice.  Next time I come home from work and my family asks me how my day was, I am going to say ‘Great!’.